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Our Goals |
We intend to:
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The Setting |
Strategies vary depending on the circumstances of an incident.
We outline suggestions for responding
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In Schools and Workplaces
Photo credit Jack Lancto, Flickr

1) In schools where violence is likely to occur, follow the steps outlined under "Interactions Among Strangers" below.
2) Many schools and workplaces have environments that are overtly or covertly hostile but do not cross over into physical violence. One cause of the recent upsurge in harassment is a perceived permission from the culture that makes the behavior normal and acceptable. The primary goal in these circumstances is to provide emotional support to persons targeted by intolerance and to challenge the culture that says it’s ok.
If someone is being harassed:
If offensive comments are being made:
2) Many schools and workplaces have environments that are overtly or covertly hostile but do not cross over into physical violence. One cause of the recent upsurge in harassment is a perceived permission from the culture that makes the behavior normal and acceptable. The primary goal in these circumstances is to provide emotional support to persons targeted by intolerance and to challenge the culture that says it’s ok.
If someone is being harassed:
- Approach the person and ask if you can help
- Speak directly to the individual or group engaging in harassment and tell them to stop. Avoid escalating the situation, either at the time or in later conversations. Be firm but do not retaliate with similar generalizing or name-calling.
- Engage the person or group being targeted socially at lunch or in other conversations to indicate to them and the larger group that you are in solidarity.
- After the incident, ask the person who has been targeted what you can do to help. Don’t assume that you know.
- Report incidents to the appropriate authority yourself, or offer to accompany the person who has been targeted while they do so.
If offensive comments are being made:
- Have a simple statement prepared. You can say, “That makes me uncomfortable,” or “That comment doesn’t belong here,” or another statement that works for you in that setting.
- You can say, “I don’t agree. Can we revisit this another time?” Don’t change your body language or tone of voice. Then move on.
- Go back and revisit the conversation at another time, preferably in private and one-on-one. Don’t alter your relationship with the person or people making the comments. When you cut off relationship you lose the opportunity to persuade. The goal is to transform the conflict into positive change.
With Family and Friends
Photo credit David Robert Bliwas, Flickr
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Negative conversations with family and friends are usually about a group that is not present rather than directed toward someone who is present. The primary risk in responding is emotional, not physical. We’re afraid of losing those relationships or of feeling alone within the group. At the same time, we may have the opportunity for extended conversations which does not exist in other settings..
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Interactions Among Strangers
Perhaps the most frightening examples occur in public places between people who don’t know one another. These occasions call for a courageous and careful response.
It is not always wise or necessary to confront the attacker directly. The primary goal is to de-escalate the situation and get the person targeted by the harassment to a safe place. Note: Traditional Muslim custom discourages physical touch from strangers, particularly persons of the opposite gender. Be mindful of this when offering support. |
Photo credit Faizal Riza, Flikr
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After An Incident
Whether or not you were present when an incident occurred, you can help create a healing space afterward.
- Offer to listen. Don’t minimize the impact of the incident. If you have doubts about the details, save that for a later time.
- Ask if you can help. Possible strategies include:
- Physically walk with a person who feels afraid
- Help find healing therapy if needed
- Offer to assist in going to authorities
- Offer to be available for phone conversations, even if a call might come late at night or early in the morning
- Offer to accompany them in a followup difficult conversation with the person or group engaging in the harassment.
Further Resources
For a pdf of a formatted reproducible booklet, including the cartoon, requiring 3 pages of 8.5x11 paper, click here. This is a fold-and-insert project; no stapling required.
For a pdf of the above, text only, click here.
Marshall Rosenberg engaged in peacebuilding in over 50 countries. Non-Violence: A Language of Life and Living Nonviolence are great resources.
Courageous Conversations About Race by Glenn Singleton provides tested methods for dealing with racism in school settings.
Teaching Tolerance is an educational resource from the Southern Poverty Law Center, a longtime civil rights organization with a stellar record. They can be found at www.tolerance.org.
My Right Response is an excellent resource particularly designed for institutional settings. Their work is readily adaptable to other settings.
For a pdf of the above, text only, click here.
Marshall Rosenberg engaged in peacebuilding in over 50 countries. Non-Violence: A Language of Life and Living Nonviolence are great resources.
Courageous Conversations About Race by Glenn Singleton provides tested methods for dealing with racism in school settings.
Teaching Tolerance is an educational resource from the Southern Poverty Law Center, a longtime civil rights organization with a stellar record. They can be found at www.tolerance.org.
My Right Response is an excellent resource particularly designed for institutional settings. Their work is readily adaptable to other settings.